Men Made for More Podcast

Mindset Strategies From 365 CONSECUTIVE Days of Murph with Graham Dessert

May 27, 2021 Episode 151
Mindset Strategies From 365 CONSECUTIVE Days of Murph with Graham Dessert
Men Made for More Podcast
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Men Made for More Podcast
Mindset Strategies From 365 CONSECUTIVE Days of Murph with Graham Dessert
May 27, 2021 Episode 151

Murph is a workout that is done on Memorial Day in honor of a fallen hero that will push you mentally and physically in new ways. Many people train for months to get ready for this. Today’s guest committed (and finished) 365 consecutive days of Murph - an amazing feat of physical, mental, and spiritual perseverance. Learn why he decided to use this physical challenge to grow across every area of his life, as well as mindset and leadership strategies developed along the way from the many physical challenges he’s put his body through.

Connect with Graham on Instagram and Facebook at @grahamdessert, learn more about Murph 365 and

Business leaders! Join a community of like minded men pushing themselves to confidently grow their leadership across each area of life. Check out all the details at and apply for one of our limited FOUNDING MEMBER spots available to the first 10 in this group.

Show Notes Transcript

Murph is a workout that is done on Memorial Day in honor of a fallen hero that will push you mentally and physically in new ways. Many people train for months to get ready for this. Today’s guest committed (and finished) 365 consecutive days of Murph - an amazing feat of physical, mental, and spiritual perseverance. Learn why he decided to use this physical challenge to grow across every area of his life, as well as mindset and leadership strategies developed along the way from the many physical challenges he’s put his body through.

Connect with Graham on Instagram and Facebook at @grahamdessert, learn more about Murph 365 and

Business leaders! Join a community of like minded men pushing themselves to confidently grow their leadership across each area of life. Check out all the details at and apply for one of our limited FOUNDING MEMBER spots available to the first 10 in this group.

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Murph is a workout that is done on Memorial Day in honor of a fallen hero that will push you mentally and physically in new ways. Many people train for months to get ready for this. Today’s guest committed (and finished) 365 consecutive days of Murph - an amazing feat of physical, mental, and spiritual perseverance. Learn why he decided to use this physical challenge to grow across every area of his life, as well as mindset and leadership strategies developed along the way from the many physical challenges he’s put his body through.

Connect with Graham on Instagram and Facebook at @grahamdessert 

Business leaders! Join a community of like minded men pushing themselves to confidently grow their leadership across each area of life. Check out all the details at and apply for one of our limited FOUNDING MEMBER spots available to the first 10 in this group.

Men Made For More Podcast Episode 150: Mindset Strategies From 365 CONSECUTIVE Days of Murph with Graham Dessert

[00:00:00] Dave: Hey there mighty man. I'm your host, Dr. Dave Paczkowski founder of Men Made for more coaching, our business helps husbands level up their life. Their leadership and their legacy in marriage and in business. The purpose of this podcast is to bring together like-minded men that feel destined for big things in their life to provide you the resources and community that you need to lead yourself, your family and your business.

[00:00:30] If you've ever felt overwhelmed, frustrated, lost, or alone on your journey to a better and more purposeful life, you're in the right spot. You weren't designed to be average. So it's time to quit living that way today. I'm giving you permission to unlock your true potential and step into all that you were made for. All right, guys, welcome to the Men Made for more podcasts, join here with special guests, gram desert, and, uh, we've got a fun one coming up today, especially coming up [00:01:00] on Memorial day in a popular thing in with Memorial day in the CrossFit sphere. And outside of that is the Memorial day Murph workout.

[00:01:08] And, uh, Graham here. Did a project Murph three 65, where he did Murph every day for a year. And this is something that people prepare months for to just to show up for one workout gram. And, uh, you knocked it out for a year straight. So I'm excited to dive into that. But, uh, first off, I want to say thanks so much for coming in, man, and being on the show.

[00:01:29] Graham: [00:01:29] Awesome man. Well, thanks for having me. I appreciate it, man. This is such a, such a blessing and you know, it's been, it's been cool to get to know you, you know, every week. I mean, so we've met each other at church and, uh, we see each other at a men's group, um, every Tuesday morning. And man, I got to tell you waking up every Tuesday morning at five 30, uh, it's something special.

[00:01:49] Uh, but we have over 200 men that show up and it's just been, uh, it's been awesome. 

[00:01:53] Dave: [00:01:53] Yeah, it's such a cool thing to be a part of and that the culture they've they've built there too is because, I mean, where, where are guys getting up [00:02:00] that early to show up to a prayer meeting is, you know, there's gotta be something special and some powerful going on.

[00:02:04] So yeah, it's been great to great to get to know you, but I want to, I want to have you kind of kick it off by giving listeners the background. Like why, why did you, why did you decide to do every day for a year? Cause that's not something you just wake up and start to start doing one day. What's the, what's the context behind that, of why you, why you got into that in the first 

[00:02:22] Graham: [00:02:22] place?

[00:02:23] Well, Hey, good question. Um, well let me, let me give you guys just a quick tour of, you know, just a quick background on me and then that'll lead into why I got into Merv three 65. So right now I'm, I'm married. I have five children. I'm a great recent grandfather. My oldest daughter, uh, gave birth to, um, you know, uh, my first grandchild, which is just insane to think about it.

[00:02:48] I'm like, man, I'm a grandpa. Um, so. Uh, that's, that's my family, but I grew up in a large military family. Uh, my dad, um, you know, was in the army and we [00:03:00] traveled around, we moved every two to three years. Um, and when I say large family, I mean, large. I mean, we had 10 there's, 10 kids in my family, five boys, five girls.

[00:03:09] And I absolutely love, you know, my family loved my mother and father. Love all my brothers and sisters. Uh, they're amazing people, all very unique and special in their own ways and, and successful in their, you know, in their careers and families. And, um, you know, We ended up, you know, moving to, and, uh, living in Kansas city area.

[00:03:30] That's where my dad's last station. And so, you know, I went to high school, there went to college there, uh, started my first business there at the age of 20 met my wife, uh, started my family and, um, Yeah. That's where I spent most of my, my life, you know, 20, some odd years. And then it got to a point where, you know, my wife and I decided we wanted to get out of the Midwest.

[00:03:50] So we, we moved to California, you know, but before that, um, you know, I struggled with, um, alcohol, I struggled with porn. I know that there's a lot of [00:04:00] men who are listening to this right now that can probably relate and say, yeah, you know, um, I'm in that now. Or I, I I've been. You know, in that situation before.

[00:04:10] So I struggled with alcohol struggle with porn, uh, betrayed my wife multiple times. Um, and all of that came to a head, uh, probably about, you know, six or seven years ago. And my wife, um, gave me an ultimatum, uh, basically said, Hey, you either, either choose this, you either choose your vices or you choose your family.

[00:04:33] You know, you can't have both. And so, uh, that ultimatum. Ultimately led me to, um, you know, change my life and turn my life around, uh, because you know, Well, ultimately it was like a choice of going down the road of death or going down the road of life. And so I chose life wanted, and at that point it was time to rise up and fight for my family, but I knew it was going to take something radical.

[00:05:00] [00:04:59] Um, you know, some sort of a change, you know, some change and transformation need to happen within me. And so, um, I was looking for something radical. Um, and you know, I found it. You know, I, I actually tried out for a semi-pro football team, you know, at the age of 34, uh, where most men are retiring from athletics, you know, you know, most men retire from athletics and they're in their young thirties and here I am 34, you know, going in and trying out for a semi-pro football team.

[00:05:28] But I knew if I made the team that I would have to treat my body a certain way, um, to where I couldn't abuse it. And I had to take care of it. Otherwise I would end up getting hurt and injured, which is what nobody wants. So, um, you know, I got very diligent about how I treated my body was very diligent about what I put into my body, my diet, um, my, my training, uh, all of that.

[00:05:50] And, um, you know, made the team, uh, performed really well. And then it was like, well, what's next? So, um, you know, I heard about this organization called [00:06:00] seal fit, which is actually headquartered here in Carlsbad. And, you know, I've reached out to Mark divine. Who's the leader of that organization and went through a lot of their training.

[00:06:09] And SEALFIT is an organization that basically, uh, put civilians through Navy seal simulated training. And, um, I wanted that I wanted, I wanted high performance. I wanted to be surrounded by, um, you know, high performance individuals, uh, because I had some transformations and things to break off in my life.

[00:06:29] So I went through a lot of their training programs and, you know, from there I was invited to, um, go in Greece to Greece and do the Sparta 300. I think we were just talking about this earlier, but, um, The Sparta 300 is essentially running from Thermopylae, although I'm sorry, running from Sparta to Thermopylae and retracing, the steps of, you know, Leah, not kingly and IDAs and the 300 Spartans in that group that I went with, uh, four years ago.

[00:06:58] Uh there's about 20 of us was the [00:07:00] first group to actually retrace the steps of. You know, the 300 Spartans. And so, uh, did that I've, you know, crossed a grand Canyon, uh, did as many peaks as possible in Colorado, which is climbing a bunch of mountains, basically a bunch of fourteeners in a short period of time, I climb 12.

[00:07:16] I think it was 12 fourteeners in five days. Um, and I wasn't, he wasn't even pressing it. It was just sort of like a. You know, I was, I was having fun while doing it. Um, and then, uh, you know, just done other athletic events, but it, it put me on this journey of, you know, uh, treating my body a certain way and, um, you know, cleaning up my mind, so to speak.

[00:07:42] And so when Merv three 65 came across my plate and first off, I mean, some of you listening to this may, may or may not know what a Murphy is, so I'll just go ahead and describe it. And Murph is essentially. Uh, it's in the CrossFit world, considered a hero wad and hero. Wad is [00:08:00] a wad that the CrossFit corporation, uh, basically puts together to, uh, commemorate or memorialize, uh, someone who died in the line of duty, whether it's a first responder sponsor, a firefighter or police.

[00:08:15] Police person or, um, you know, someone in the military. And so Lieutenant Michael Murphy was a Navy seal in the military who, um, put his life on the line on a mission, we'll get into the detail. But, uh, you know, essentially was awarded the medal of honor for what he, for what he did. He died on that mission.

[00:08:33] And so this workout was to, um, you know, it was in his honor and, uh, it's a mile run. A hundred pull-ups 200 push-ups 300 air squats and a mile run wearing a 20 pound vest. And so every time that I've done a Murph, you know, um, I just, I think I did my first one in 2015, or, yeah, it was 2015 is when I did my first one.

[00:08:58] And it's [00:09:00] like, you get done with the Murph and you're laying on the ground just ready to take a nap in a pool of sweat, you know? And so, um, That's been my experience, but I do it every Memorial day, essentially. And, um, you know, that that's essentially what a, what a Murph is and where it came from. And I had, uh, my, my business partner.

[00:09:26] Had reached out to me. And this was, I think in the fall of 2019 is when he reached out to me and he said, Hey, what do you think about doing a Murph everyday for a year? And, uh, I just thought that was crazy. You're like, come again because I'm sitting here thinking about I'm like, well, It just automatically took me back to the time of me laying in a pool of sweat exhausted on Memorial day is what I would think about.

[00:09:53] And I'm like, man, I don't know. But then the other part of me is like, you know, I've done a lot of hard stuff [00:10:00] and I've done a lot of mentally taxing stuff before, and I really enjoy it. In a, in a weird way, you know, I really enjoy being tested. I really enjoy discipline. Um, you know, and just what, what that makes of you.

[00:10:14] And so, you know, in a way we speak into my soul, so I'm like, yeah, I kinda liked that. And so he brought up the idea. Um, it, it stayed on my radar for, and this was the fall of 2019. And then I remember sitting down and Dr. Matt, um, you know, at our, at our church, does these goal setting sessions at the end of every year.

[00:10:36] And, uh, it was December of 2019. We're sitting there and I'm like, yep, I'm going to put down Merv three 65 to complete in 2020, or start in 2020. I just didn't know when I would start it. And, um, you know, because it was kind of scary. It was kind of, it was a big, big, hairy, audacious goal and, uh, pretty intimidating.

[00:10:57] And so I didn't set a deadline, but I knew I [00:11:00] would start it at some point in 2020. Um, and that's where it came about. And it. It basically stayed on my radar. Cause that was December. And I didn't start until February of 2020. And so it stayed on my radar for about six to eight weeks before actually took action.

[00:11:17] Dave: [00:11:17] What was the, what was the delay in, in why you started was it was actually prepping yourself or was it like talk through that? Cause you've done a lot of, I mean, you've done a lot of tough, tough stuff. Like why, why was this one harder to, to just jump into, or it sounds like some of the other things maybe you're like, sure.

[00:11:32] Let's do it. We were talking before that, before the show you have a Ironman coming up in 30 days or maybe not 30 days anymore. Like soon, but you got a 30 day notice to do it and you're like, all right, let's do it. Why, why was this one more of a more delay with it? Was it, uh, what was going on around you or was there a mental, mental game going on there, 

[00:11:49] Graham: [00:11:49] dude?

[00:11:49] Funny story. So, um, when I was, when I was in Greece, Uh, during the Sparta 300 James Lawrence was the one that trained me for that. And James [00:12:00] Lawrence is the iron cowboy. For those of you that don't know, um, James Lawrence completed 50 iron mans in 50 days in 50 States and set basically broke his own world record and set it.

[00:12:12] And so, um, When I was looking for someone to train me first off and I was like, I'm not, I'm not a long distance guy. I wasn't a long distance guy at the time. And, and I was like, well, uh, I need someone who, um, is really radical and training and has done some really crazy things and is like the best in the world at it.

[00:12:31] And so I found James and so James trained me. He actually came to Greece with me. And while we were in Greece, he was, he was sharing with me, his 50 iron mans in 50 days in 50 States journey through. Um, his, uh, Oh, his a little movie he created, I don't even, you know, whatever he created. So he showed me, he was showing me the documentary and then he was like, Hey man, you should come do an iron man.

[00:12:54] You know, you need to come do an Ironman. And so he's been on me every year since. And, um, and you [00:13:00] know, I was totally, again, I'm like, man, I don't want to do an iron man. I don't want to sit on a bike for 112 miles, you know? And on top of that, I don't want to wear those funny shorts was kind of like, you know, that was my mentality.

[00:13:11] And then. I was like, you know what, like, I just need to do it. I need to do it. And so I say that to say, I struggled with commitment and certain in sometimes like, no matter what it is, like sometimes there's something in the way that. That keeps us from committing to hard things. And, um, you know, there's, there's a procrastination thing that goes on.

[00:13:36] There's a waiting thing that goes on and, and it was procrastination more than anything. Um, because the idea I got the idea, the seed was planted by my business partner in the fall of 2019. I wrote, I wrote down the goal. A couple months later in a goal setting session. And it took me another eight weeks to actually get started, [00:14:00] you know?

[00:14:01] And so it was 100% procrastination because I knew the level of commitment that it would take. And I was afraid of that commitment. So there is a level of fear around that. And what happened was. Because if you really think about it, it's like not just the pain, but, you know, so I, I would take it. It was basically what I associated Murph with.

[00:14:21] I associated Murph with pain. And so, because I associated Murph with pain, it became hard for me to commit to it. Um, but then I started working with Tim who is a performance coach, uh, who worked with Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant. Um, you know, he's worked with some of the greats, you know, tiger woods, Michael Phelps, and some of these other, just a high performance athletes.

[00:14:44] And now he works with a lot of business people. So I worked with him for about an eight week. Period at the beginning of 2020. And there was a conversation that we had around procrastination around hard things. And it was literally that conversation that got me to take action because I was like, wait a [00:15:00] second.

[00:15:00] That's exactly what I'm doing with Merv three 65. I am procrastinating because it's hard. It's going to be painful, but I wasn't looking at. The pleasurable side of it and the things that I would gain out of it, the benefits and the number one benefit is not necessarily what I would accomplish, but what it would make of me, you know, the discipline that it would create the habits that it would create, what it would do and transform in my body, what he would do in my mind, what it would do in my spirit.

[00:15:27] And so, um, I just reframe my thinking around that. And literally, I believe I was on the call with Tim ordered. A vest. And the day that I came in is the day that I started. That's so cool. 

[00:15:41] Dave: [00:15:41] Yeah. And that, uh, you know, that procrastination is such a, such an interesting, interesting thing because it can disguise itself in so many ways, too.

[00:15:49] We, we get caught sometimes. It's we just put it out of mind sometimes where like, Oh, I need a plan every step of the way. Or there's, there's a lot of different ways it can look. And obviously something like. [00:16:00] Murph three 65 is going to challenge you, challenge your thinking in a different way, but this is happening in a small way for a lot of guys listening.

[00:16:05] I'm sure of like, what, what are you putting off that you could be doing? Is there something in, is, is your marriage not where it needs to be? And it's because you're, you're putting off doing those things for, for your spouse. Is your business not where it needs to be because you can't. Get up and pick up the phone the way you need to, or reach out to those people that might say no and might do those things.

[00:16:25] So what would be, what would be your advice to someone, whether they're taking on a physical challenge or whether it's something in work or relationships or spiritually that there's just that resistance going on? What, uh, you know, between your conversation with Tim Grover things you've, you've uncovered on your own.

[00:16:39] What are those, those things to unlock? Uh, cause I like when you said already is like, don't think about the pain with it. I think about the person. You could become, do you have anything else that would help people kind of get through that sticking point? Yeah. You 

[00:16:50] Graham: [00:16:50] know, a lot of procrastination is caused by stress.

[00:16:54] And stress, uh, in other areas of our life, you know, and think of the things that cause [00:17:00] stress in your life. Finances cause stress children cause stress, uh, spouses, cause stress, work and deadlines and pressure causes stress. And so a lot of times we procrastinate because of distress. And the pain that is in our lives.

[00:17:16] And so one way to reduce procrastination is to reduce the stress. And one way to reduce the stress is to really literally it's, it's a, it's a matter of forgiveness. You know, and this gets into the spiritual sense, but it's like, you know, we live in, in a culture of performance and you just have to understand that there's pressure and demands on things.

[00:17:40] And sometimes we're just, we just can't deliver. And sometimes we can't deliver on those things and it's okay. Or sometimes, um, you know, we may feel stress around money and just know that you're going to be provided for things are going to work out. Um, and. It's a matter of, um, [00:18:00] just giving yourself grace, you know, to make mistakes.

[00:18:03] And, and once I kinda, once I understood and I could start to relieve some of that stress and the pressure. Uh, it allowed me, like, I just felt free. And when you feel free, it's like, you will like, there's just no chains, dude. And you, you can, you know, imagine, imagine a boat sailing in the ocean with a bunch of anchors that are dragging along the bottom.

[00:18:32] You know, and the motor the motor's on and it's moving, but it's moving super slow. Every single time you forgive yourself or you forgive other people for the wrongs that they've done to you, or you just relieve yourself of pressure, you cut one of those anchors off. And then all of a sudden you move a little bit faster.

[00:18:51] You cut another anchor off you move that much faster. You cut all of them off and you're just, you're flying. And so that would be one, one [00:19:00] thing that helps with procrastination because it's really like, sometimes you're not intentionally procrastinating, you're just stuck and you literally, aren't moving forward.

[00:19:10] You're trying to, but you're not moving forward at that speed. So you cut those anchors off, dude, and you'll be able to move full speed. You know, another one would be, um, just being aware of when. You are procrastinating. You're just like, Oh man, shoot. I'm procrastinating right now. And you can actually just give yourself a time clock and countdown.

[00:19:32] Like I got five seconds, you know, I forgot Mel Robbins talks about the five second rule. Uh, I love, I love that because. It just gives you, um, a quick countdown. I have five seconds to take action on this and it could be around addiction. Um, like when you're feeling a craving, it could be around procrastinating.

[00:19:54] It could be around taking action on something. It just, it doesn't matter. But the five second rule is a big one. [00:20:00] So you start at five seconds, five, four, three, two, one. Once you get to one. You take action, you know, and it's counting down versus counting up because if you count up, you may keep on counting six, seven, eight, nine, and then that delays actually taking action.

[00:20:15] But when you count down, it's forcing you to take action. So that's another one that I use.  

[00:20:20] Dave: [00:20:20] couple really good strategies. I love the boat analogy too. It's another thing we talked about is driving with the parking brake on and people are trying to push the gas harder and be like, Oh, I just have to try harder.

[00:20:29] But using these strategies that will help reduce resistance, reduce friction, giving yourself grace doing those things. Because I think so many people also procrastinate cause it's, there's such a perfection mindset around our society and there's such a, well, if I. If I commit to this and I fail, that means I'm a failure versus you putting, putting an identity on, on the outcome of that.

[00:20:50] And I'd be curious with you getting into Murph. Was there. You know, was there any plan B? Cause it, cause going into something like that, it's like, well, how's my body going to hold up? What if I get an injury? Like if I hurt my [00:21:00] shoulder, my back, I'm not going to be able to complete that. And I think that can stop a lot of people from doing that and being like, what if I get a hundred days in, I tell everyone I'm doing it and.

[00:21:08] I can't do it. So did you have a, I want to say a plan B might not be the right word, but how did you address some of those? Because everyone's going to be getting those thoughts. I think we think that some people don't get them, but you, you hadn't been flooded with those thoughts of like, what if I put myself out there and don't do it.

[00:21:22] W would that be along the lines of some of the forgiveness and grace? Or was there something else? 

[00:21:26] Graham: [00:21:26] A great question, because I think we can get caught up in what ifs. And I think it's important to start to think about what ifs after you've made the commitment to go. And after you've taken some action a little bit, because, um, and here's what I mean by that, because.

[00:21:44] A lot of times, what ifs will keep you from? I'm taking action. Well, what if this, what if that, what if this, what if that, what if, what if, what if, what if, and then before you know it all this time has gone by and you haven't done anything. And then the motivation or inspiration to even do anything is gone.

[00:21:58] Right. [00:22:00] So you can, what if yourself out of taking action. Um, but on the flip side of that, there are these things called drivers and restrainers, and we use this, I use this in business all the time. You have to plan ahead. You have to, um, think about what you're going to do ahead of time. You have to plan for situations ahead of time.

[00:22:21] You know, the Navy seals do this all the time and the training that I've, that I've done with them and the plans that we put together, it kind of rolls like this. And this is how it's been explained to me, uh, in certain situations, you know, when they do a mission, the mission could be, you know, a four or five, six hour mission, or maybe an eight hour mission or whatever, but they'll spend 48 to 72 hours, right.

[00:22:39] On average planning and preparing well, they're not planning and preparing how to use their weapons and how to jump out of helicopters or how to swim or anything like that. They're planning for contingencies and things that could potentially come up that would get in the way of accomplishing the goal or completing the mission.

[00:22:55] And very rarely does the mission go as planned. Um, but very [00:23:00] rarely. Does it ever happen where the mission doesn't get completed, you know? And there's a very good reason why that happens. And the reason why that happens is because they spend so much time going through contingencies. Now you can spend a lot of time going through contingencies.

[00:23:15] And what if yourself out of actually starting the mission. So you have to enter into that time, committed to the mission and committed to. Completing the goal, whatever it is. And so in business, we would use it as like a revenue goal. So if I have, I have a goal to complete X amount of dollars in revenue next year, I'm going to sit down and think about all the things that could potentially, um, uh, that are drivers and restrainers and a driver is some of the things that, uh, are momentum creators that you have.

[00:23:46] On your side, like kava staff of X amount of people. I have a marketing budget of X. I have this, I have this resource, I have this resource. I have this tool, that tool, all of these drivers. So you think of your [00:24:00] drivers and then you think of the restrainers and their strainers are the potential scenarios that could come up that are going to take you out.

[00:24:06] Could potentially take you out. So. I thought about the drivers and restrainers ahead of time. So you think about it ahead of time and it's like, yeah. I mean, I thought about injuries. What would I do if you know, I got a sprained ankle, you know, well, I can walk. You know, I could walk the mile and it would just take me a long time to get it done.

[00:24:27] Uh, what if I pulled a muscle? What if I tore my bicep? Uh, what if I got COVID? Uh, what if I got sick? You know, um, you know, I'm traveling, so what do I do when I'm traveling? Well, I had all of those things thought ahead of time. And some of them happened, you know, I mean, I had multiple injuries throughout the, throughout the year.

[00:24:46] I actually got COVID and, uh, just had to gut it out. Yeah. 

[00:24:51] Dave: [00:24:51] And that's, uh, I love the drivers and restrainers. And what so that's, is that just for the purpose of wrapping your mind around it, the example, or what are you doing? So [00:25:00] you have this list of, of drivers and restrainers. And I want to dig a little deeper into this because this could be for business.

[00:25:04] This could be for a physical goal. So you have this list and then are you just making a plan for every restrainer? What are you doing? So you list out all that data and like, how are you processing that? Or how does that affect maybe the actions going, going into it depends 

[00:25:18] Graham: [00:25:18] on how, like. I guess big the restrainer is, you know, and, you know, I didn't spend a lot of time on them, but it was like, you know, if I, for example, we went to Mexico and it's like, well, I don't know if they even have a gym open.

[00:25:34] So, you know, what's my plan. If they don't have a gym, well, I'll just find a tree and do pull ups on a tree branch. You know what I mean? But it's those types of things. So you have to think ahead of the things that could potentially come up. 

[00:25:46] Dave: [00:25:46] So that, cause when you get into that situation, then you're already, you don't have the exact answer, but you're, you're, you're preparing a couple of scenarios so that it doesn't get there.

[00:25:54] And you're like, well, there's nowhere to do pull up. So I'll just, I'll I'll skip today. I won't be able to do it or [00:26:00] it takes out some of the excuses, I would guess 

[00:26:02] Graham: [00:26:02] 100%. 100%. Yeah. And so, yeah, cause there's basically an. An excuse could potentially turn into an opportunity to back out. 

[00:26:13] Dave: [00:26:13] Cause we're so good at justifying too.

[00:26:15] As, as, uh, as humans, we can, we can justify the reasons why, well, I didn't do this because, and it can sound like good reasons logically, but when you make these restrainers, when you prepare these scenarios, when you say, Hey, I'm going to. Commit this, no matter what with injury with COVID with, uh, in, in Mexico, these things too, you're committing to seeing that through versus just find out of it because a lot of people would, a lot of people would probably understand if you're like, Hey, I, I couldn't do it this day because there was a really good reason why I tore my bicep or something.

[00:26:45] People are going to be like, Oh, that, that makes sense. But in your mind, you're committing to it. You're like, no, I'm going to find a way to get over this no matter what and get, and get through this. Yeah, totally 

[00:26:55] Graham: [00:26:55] like, you know, if I tore my bicep, well, I mean, they make bands. You can do pull-ups on. [00:27:00] You know, uh, if I was incapacitated and couldn't move well, I mean, I could do it Murph in my mind.

[00:27:06] Right. Initialize it. I can visualize it. So, and I know that's not physically the same, but you know, the principle of it. Yeah. 

[00:27:15] Dave: [00:27:15] Well, the principle of ethics is making the most of wherever, wherever you're at and not letting. Those excuses, excuses creep in. And I, uh, I want to, I know we kind of glossed over this quickly, but I would love to rewind a little bit here because you've taken on all these physical challenges that, you know, the, the spider, the spider, Ron, you got iron man, the peaks that Murph three 65 and you dive in into all of these physical challenges.

[00:27:38] And I know you mentioned six years ago or so I don't remember the exact time timeline, but some of those things came to a head with, with your wife and the ultimatum and those things too. What did this was this physical stuff, the stuff that broke through that, or like, what was the thought process behind diving into this?

[00:27:53] And why do you continue to dive into these things? Was it, was that the freedom you were looking for and is that why you broke into them? Or I [00:28:00] guess we kind of glossed over quickly of. What happened with this, with this ultimatum and what really got you through that? Was it, these, was it these physical challenges?

[00:28:07] And if so, how, or how did these physical challenges factor into all that? 

[00:28:11] Graham: [00:28:11] Yeah. Great question. Well, I think the enemy, the opposition tends to put things in our path that will derail us from who we truly are. And, um, you know, I had a tax on my physical body for years, you know, um, you know, I used to have, you know, man boobs and be overweight and things like that.

[00:28:30] And there was, there was, there was one day where I remember looking in the mirror and just being like, man, I am just unhappy with the way that I look because. You know, I was an athlete in high school. I was an athlete in college and I loved being physically active. Like that was just, I got so much joy and satisfaction out of, you know, being physically active.

[00:28:51] And then there's a time period in my life where I just literally was not physically active for about 10 [00:29:00] years, you know? And. To me, that doesn't line up with my identity and who I, who I have. And so there was one day where I looked in the mirror and I was just like, I don't like the way that I look and I don't like the way that I feel more.

[00:29:16] So the way that I feel like I don't feel like myself, I'm not doing the things that bring me joy. And I was asked a question about a year and a half ago that really resonated with me. That really helped me line up. Like my identity as a man. And the question essentially was this it's called the lottery strategy.

[00:29:38] And, you know, at our church, there's this thing called, um, you know, the Pathfinders apprenticeship, which is all about, uh, entrepreneurship and creating wealth. And I know it's kind of weird. Like why would a church teach about. Creating wealth and building business. Well, God wants us to be abundant, you know?

[00:29:58] And so we're [00:30:00] not meant to be broke Christians running around or, or just poor a general, you know, we want to teach people how to be wealthy. So anyways, I took this class and it's every Tuesday night for six months and there's a different speaker every night. And, you know, we read these different books and one of the speakers that came in was Nick Unsworth.

[00:30:18] I don't know if you know Nick Unsworth, but Nick is just a phenomenal visionary. And just very influential, such a great leader. And he just asked the question, you know, if you had all the money in the world, what would you do with your time? And I was just like, man, that's such a good question. And he's like, I'm not talking about like a million or 2 million because you know, like we could blow through a million or 2 million pretty quickly, you know, especially in today's world.

[00:30:47] Like it doesn't get you as far as it used to. And so he's like, If you were just gifted a couple of billion dollars and you went out and did the things that you [00:31:00] wanted to do with the people you want to do it with. And you had all the time in the world now, like what, what would you do with your time? And I was like, man, a great question.

[00:31:10] And the first thing I thought of was, well, I wouldn't be owning the company that I'm owning that. Like, I wouldn't be in the role that I'm in now. I would work out. I would play music and I would develop leaders. Those are the three things I would do with my time. And if I could work out for three, four hours a day, I'd be happy, man.

[00:31:30] Like that. Like, I just love using my body and just being physically active and it doesn't have to be a hard and grueling all the time, but just moving and activity is just something that I love to do. And so, yeah. Um, I just felt like, you know, the enemy was putting all these things in my way to attack my body over the course of that decade.

[00:31:51] You know, alcohol included, you know, all the other things and, you know, I just got fed up with it. You know, my wife helped me realize, [00:32:00] you know, how I was going down the wrong path. And it was like the pain that, like, I just had to visualize the pain of being away from my family was just not like. The pain would be too great and just not worth it.

[00:32:15] So, you know, I cut all that out of my life. 

[00:32:19] Dave: [00:32:19] Because would you say in the middle of those addictions and the things we were struggling with, did you, you knew your identity was with something else, something higher, something bigger. And did that continue? That's where the attack was of continued reminds you that, Oh, you're not there right now.

[00:32:34] You're not there right now. You'll never be there. And you had to have that strong vision of seeing it with your family, seeing it with that, that ultimate vision is. Is that like the vision of, of who you are, your identity? Was that, was that what you mean when you're say you're being attacked? 

[00:32:48] Graham: [00:32:48] No, I mean, my identity was being this physical person, like being physically active.

[00:32:52] Um, so working out playing music and, um, you know, developing leaders and so, you know, [00:33:00] developing leaders, I mean, that just came naturally to me. I mean, that's what I do. It's what I've been doing in my business. I mean, since 20 years, You know, being 20 years old. Uh, so for the last 20 years, so I'm 40 now, but, um, you know, I just feel like there's all these roadblocks put in the way of my identity and who I truly am.

[00:33:21] And now, you know, I'm definitely on the road of. You know who I truly am. 

[00:33:29] Dave: [00:33:29] And what's, uh, what are some of the things you've had to let go? I know you mentioned I'm able to break free from alcohol, from porn, from some of these other things. Whereas some of the other, I guess, uh, I want to say less, less traumatic, like less intense things you've had to break away from, because I know you talked about changing plans with your business and moving into a new thing.

[00:33:46] What are, what are some of the other things you're either currently having to, to break off old things? Cause as, as we grow, as we reach new levels, we can't hang on to the same things and expect to keep 

[00:33:56] Graham: [00:33:56] yeah. And things just keep on being revealed to me, you know, some of the things that [00:34:00] I've, um, you know, I would say, you know, caring what people think, you know, um, Uh, it's been, it's been pretty difficult because.

[00:34:14] You know, I grew up in a large family and, you know, my parents were absolutely outstanding. I love him to death. Absolutely love them to death, you know, and one of the drawbacks of growing up in a large family is, is not having or getting the attention or the, the nurturing. Um, and so, you know, you tend to, uh, you know, start to feel like more, you start to feel a sense, more sensitive to rejection.

[00:34:41] And you, because you don't want to feel that you then start to care about what people think and how they see you. Um, and so that's something that I've been doing a lot of, a lot of work on. And I got to tell you, like when you get that broken off, it's, it's very [00:35:00] freeing. And the, the big, the big thing with that is, um, you start to realize and understand, you know, The one person that you do everything for is for God.

[00:35:14] You know, you do it for God in front of God. And it's basically for an audience of one. Once you understand the audience of one, um, it's like, that's a, it's a very freeing. 

[00:35:27] Dave: [00:35:27] Time. Yeah. Freeing. And you talk about having, having grace for that. Being able to forgive yourself, being able to just live in that just takes, takes the breaks off tape, cuts those anchors off and allows you to, you know, move, move in the direction that you need to be heading.

[00:35:42] Where so many of us had in the way that we feel like we should be going, or family say we should be going, or society says, we should be going of like, Oh, you have to have this stable job and do this. And don't, you know, don't leave the, don't leave your comfort zone. And that's really the thing we need to be leaving our comfort zone and jumping into those, those passions.

[00:35:59] I talked to [00:36:00] so many guys that have been putting off starting a business for, for years, I've been putting off starting that nutrition plan or that workout because of some of those things we talked about earlier, fear, procrastination, all that. But, uh, you know, th w what's the danger of, of staying in our comfort zone, as you talked about, there's like staying in your comfort zone would have a.

[00:36:21] You know what I totally gotten in the way of that person that, that you're supposed to be. Yeah, 

[00:36:26] Graham: [00:36:26] totally. And I want to read you a quote. I'm looking this up. Uh, where, where is it, dude? This is a good one. Um, has some to do, uh, dreams. Hang on one second. I've literally, so I I'm a collector of quotes here it is.

[00:36:45] So you either modify your dreams or you magnify your skills. Mm. So you modify your dreams or magnify your skills. And so often people modify their [00:37:00] dreams. That's, you know, that was a quote by Jim Rome and Jim Rowan is like one of my favorite business philosophers. Um, but that's like, we offer often we will modify our dreams because we either don't think that it's possible.

[00:37:18] For us, we don't feel like we're capable or it's just like way too far out there. Like it's just not even, um, or we just don't know how, like we know we have to get better or increase the skill. We just don't know how to do it. We don't have the resources to do that. And so people will modify what they feel like they're capable of or they'll modify what they go after, because of that.

[00:37:40] Yeah. 

[00:37:41] Dave: [00:37:41] So I absolutely love that. And that's, uh, that's so true. That's something in any coaching community. I've been part of the good ones and in our coaching community to remind me for more, it's like, there's, we have to continue to be speaking life into, into other guys and, and have people around you that can do that and find the right coaches and the right mentors and the right [00:38:00] leaders that can help do that because you'll have plenty of people say like, dude, you're crazy for thinking that, like what makes you think you can do Murph.

[00:38:06] Every day for, for year. What makes you think you can elevate your business to that level? Like those types of businesses don't, don't do that. And so many people speak death into those, into those dreams and those things. So people modify their dreams instead of saying, no, I'm gonna double down on what I'm good at.

[00:38:19] I'm gonna surround myself with the right people. And I'm like, I'm going to be committed to that, that vision that God put on my heart versus sacrificing that and saying, I'm going to conform to whatever other people are doing. I, I, I think you. I don't know if you have some good to speak on this because you sound like you're really good at reaching out and getting help where a lot of guys try and do it on their own.

[00:38:37] And can you speak, uh, on the mentors you've reached out to the leaders you've learned from how much that's maybe accelerated your, your growth versus trying to do it on your own? 

[00:38:46] Graham: [00:38:46] Yeah, I think the biggest thing is, you know, the, all the best of the best athletes have coaches, you know, because they've, you know, they need someone who is not on the field to see the things that they can't see.

[00:38:58] Yeah. And, [00:39:00] um, you know, Michael Jordan great example hired Jim Grover, Tim Grover would sit in the stands and watch him play. We're sit on the sideline and watch him play and then give him feedback after the game or at halftime, you know? So you need to have people that are watching over you and watching you play, uh, to give you wisdom.

[00:39:20] And to help you see the things that you can't see, um, so that you can, you know, get the edge to complete what you need to complete, whatever it is, whatever path you're on, whatever your journey is. Um, I have had, I've had a moments in time where, um, I would not lean on coaches. And if you hear a voice that says don't call or don't reach out, you can do this on your own.

[00:39:44] That's actually a time where you should call and reach out. Um, you know, we're not meant to do life alone. We're not meant to, uh, isolate and be on an Island. Um, we're, we're meant to be a community and that includes, you know, [00:40:00] coaching, whatever that is. Um, you know, I have people that I talked to you about marriage.

[00:40:04] I have people that I talk to about money. I have people that I talk to about business. I have people that I talk to about performance, uh, people that I talked to, you know, about different areas of my life, nutrition, whatever. And so I find experts and I find people in different lanes and they may not be experts in other areas.

[00:40:23] And that's okay. I don't talk to them about that. I go find somebody else, like, you know, um, you know, there's certain people I wouldn't talk to about marriage, you know, it's just the way it is. But, uh, I do feel that there are times to get wisdom. And when you feel that nudge not to is typically the time to get it.

[00:40:42] Dave: [00:40:42] Yeah. So good. And people, I think there still can be a. Oh, a limiting belief around, well, if I hire a coach in this area that like people are either going to see that I'm struggling there and see that I'm doing that. Or if we ask for help in our marriage, like people are going to think our marriage is and is as good as we want it to seem on the [00:41:00] outside.

[00:41:00] And those are all again. I totally agree with what you're saying. Those are. Lies things, keeping you from reaching your next level versus going out and getting that help and being like, Hey, it's like, uh, Lindsay and I started getting marriage coaching too, for that same reason. It's like, not that, not that our marriage is sinking.

[00:41:14] Thank God. But it's like, Hey, we want this to be at a higher level than it is, but we can't do it. 

[00:41:18] Graham: [00:41:18] Yeah. And why not? Like you bro, you brought up a great point. You know, things are good, but that's often a good time to get caught. Like why wait until things are broken. You know, to get the coaching, like why, you know what I'm saying?

[00:41:32] Like, like when things are good, it's actually a good time to get. A coach in that area to keep things, to keep things going in the right direction or even better. Yeah. I'll give you a quick example. So in 2015, um, you know, I had my company and we were doing really, really, really well. Um, I don't remember the exact number.

[00:41:54] It was like four around four or 5 million. Uh, something like that. No, it was three, [00:42:00] three something. Know, whatever, uh, in revenue. And then in 2016, uh, we had a 68% increase in revenue, which is a significant increase. And we only changed one thing. There's only one thing we changed and we had the same amount of employees going after like the same type of work.

[00:42:21] All we did was hire a coach. To teach us a sales process. I tried to learn it on my own and I tried to employ, literally I F I met this coach in 2012, and I followed him around to seminars. Um, for three years before I decided to hire him and I followed him around to the seminars and I was like, Oh, I'll just take his system.

[00:42:45] And I'll teach my guys myself. No problem. I got it. Well, I tried it in 2014, failed to implement it 2015 failed to implement it. At the end of 15, I was like, fine. I'll hire him. So I hired him in, uh, and that first year, [00:43:00] 68% increase. And that's all we did was just implement a system, 

[00:43:05] Dave: [00:43:05] speaks for itself. Yeah.

[00:43:06] And people are in. Uh, I love what you said about if you're feeling that nudge not to, or if you're feeling the nudge like, Hey, maybe it's something I've been considering. Don't wait. Don't. I mean, even if you, if you don't have all the resources figured out, like it's going to accelerate things so much, and the ability to find that in different areas and find people that can help in those specific areas that you feel like you need to struggle with.

[00:43:27] We're not all natural born salespeople or marketers, or we're not all like. Marriage doesn't come easy. Like that's we need people walking alongside of us for these different areas of life so that we can, uh, continue to define that next level. I love that. And as we kind of start to wrap up here, there's one thing that popped in my mind is we were on a couple of these different tangents we were talking about.

[00:43:47] And the thing that keeps coming up is, you know, and for a lot of guys listening, Is confidence. And I think that's, you know, something that, that word kept popping up as we've, as we've been talking, especially with your, with your physical feats and looking at you. I [00:44:00] know we don't have a video on here, but a beast of a beast of a man.

[00:44:04] And, uh, you know, you walk around and not just your physical stature, but you carry, you carry a level of confidence with you. And I know. Like so many guys are hurting with confidence. I'm not struggled a lot with in the, in the past of not feeling worthy, not feeling confident, not getting caught in that comparison game.

[00:44:19] The same thing you're talking about of, of people pleasing and, uh, what are, what are some of the things that have? What are some of the things that are your, you know, reasons that, that you can walk around with that confidence that you can deliver, deliver in relationships in business and all those things with that level of confidence, because.

[00:44:38] And I want it like is, is how much of the physical is, is part of that too, because do we, like how much can guys lean on, on the physical to do that versus how many guys are chasing the physical or chasing financial success, and then finding out that, that doesn't carry the level of confidence that they, they think it will.

[00:44:53] I 

[00:44:53] Graham: [00:44:53] think that there's a lot of things that work together on that. Um, I think the way that you feel makes a big difference. Uh, and I'll [00:45:00] talk about that a little bit later, but the way you feel has a lot to do with what you put in your body. Um, so I'll, I'll talk about that here in a minute, but one of the things that helps with confidence is man, uh, and this, this goes with, I think performance general, like high performance in general.

[00:45:19] One of the reasons why people don't reach their full potential, a lot of times has to do with communication. And it's not communication with, you know, You and me are communication with other people. It's not external communication. It's internal communication. It's how you communicate with yourself is the most important thing, uh, that, that helps with confidence and helps with, um, reaching your full potential and performance because, um, we have 12 to 60,000 thoughts a day and that's a lot.

[00:45:51] And you know, those, those 12 to 60,000 thoughts, it's like, what is the quality of. Those thoughts. [00:46:00] And so I've, I've had this, um, you know, brought to my attention, uh, just in some of the work that I've done with like seal fit and, um, even stuff at the church. And there's biblical truth to this, you know, there's a passage in the Bible that says, take your thoughts, captive, uh, you know, but the quality of your thinking determines a lot of what we do, uh, because you know, And the quality of your thinking oftentimes is tied back to your identity and what you believe, because what you believe about yourself, when, what you believe about the world and the people around you and where you live, you know, and your environment oftentimes determines what you think and how you think.

[00:46:41] And so then what you think and how you think then gets translated into how so you speak and we bring life to what we speak about. So what you speak about and how you speak about it, often times determines like what you do and how you do it, you know? [00:47:00] And so then, like action repeated action turns into habit.

[00:47:04] You know, and so here's, here's the, so we'll just, we'll stop there and then I'll take, let me take this back a little bit. So internal communication, you know, there's things that we say that we're going to do, that we don't follow through on, and that is the number one confidence killer. You know, the number one confidence killer, because what happens is this.

[00:47:29] So think about it from the external standpoint, when someone tells you that they're going to do something and they don't do it, what happens? Trust breaks down. They didn't deliver what they promise. So there's, uh, like their words and their actions weren't integral. So there's a break in integrity. So you do that internally.

[00:47:52] Like if that happens enough externally with one person, it's like, okay, I'm severing ties where I can't like, I can't trust that [00:48:00] person. Will you do that enough internally where you say you're going to do something, but then don't follow through many times over the course. It's like, you lose trust in yourself and you end up playing smaller and smaller and smaller.

[00:48:16] And so what you need to do is dive in like, Sometimes we write a check that our ass can't cash, you know, and we can't, you know what I'm saying? Like we say, we're going to do things that just, maybe aren't realistic for the time, you know? So you have to be careful about what you promise. So it doesn't mean that you just come out and say, okay, I'm going to do this.

[00:48:37] And I'm going to F you know, it's just some big, hairy, audacious thing, you know? So just be aware of, of it and just start small, you know, I'm going to wake up at five 30. And when the alarm clock goes off, wake up, do not hit the snooze button, just get up out of bed, or I'm going to do this at this time.

[00:48:58] And so you can make these [00:49:00] small commitments, um, and you do enough of that consciously. Every day and you reward yourself for doing that. It builds confidence. And so for me, um, what built a lot of confidence was dude, every single day I did exactly what I said I was going to do. And that was like a massive.

[00:49:25] Breakthrough for one. And then two, it was a massive habit builder and a massive confidence booster. 

[00:49:31] Dave: [00:49:31] I love, I love all those things you touched on. And I, uh, what I'm really pulling off from that too, is picking those, those process-driven things that can build confidence in yourself that can build that, that trust back in yourself, instead of, you know, in your case, instead of saying, Hey, I'm gonna.

[00:49:47] Do Merv three 65. And I'm going to get my time down to this. My body fat down to this is going to be a different way to approach it for St. Hey, I'm going to show up every day for three 65. I'm going to get this thing done no matter what and same thing. If someone's at a much lower, [00:50:00] you know, physical starting point, if a physical, the physical pillar of your, of your life.

[00:50:04] So I need to work on it might be, it's not, it might not even be, Hey, I'm going to lose 20 pounds. It's going to be having to show up at the gym. Three times a week. I'm gonna stay there for 30 minutes and I'm just gonna move. Like I'll, I'll move. I'll just, I'll just be there. And that's going to build up trust over time, waking up early, if it's in your relationship, it's Hey, I'm going to, you know, do these date nights once a week.

[00:50:23] And I'm going to, you know, leave a, leave a note for my spouse or text my spouse once a day randomly and, and let them know I'm thinking about them or, you know, in our. In our spiritual life, it could be just getting up and spending 10 minutes reading or in prayer in those things. So we can apply this to any and your every life and that's, what's going to build trust.

[00:50:40] So finding that area that you're struggling in and focusing on a process that you can, that you can commit to and regain your trust back because a lot of us have lost trust in ourselves. In those areas. We've let our physical bodies go. It's these micro what you're saying? These micro yeah. Micro, uh, not following through on those commitments, micro commitments that [00:51:00] weren't followed through on that is leading to that.

[00:51:02] So to reverse it, don't set some big audacious goal upfront, like start to earn your trust back in a 

[00:51:07] Graham: [00:51:07] small way. Yeah. Yeah. 1% daily, 1% improvement. I learned that from the seals, you know, it's like just get 1% better every day. And you know, I started this journey in 2013 by looking in the mirror and then I started working out well, sometimes you gotta get in shape to get in shape.

[00:51:24] You know, like it's not going to happen overnight. So just understand it's a journey. Um, you know, and what's crazy is like the whole physical journey that we all go through, especially as men, like our bodies change as we get older. And so it's like, there's this resistance, it's just this natural resistance that you go through.

[00:51:43] Um, and your body changes and you start to feel different. Um, you know, and you just say you have to pay attention to what you put in your body. You know, the older you get, you have to pay attention to what you put your body it's that you have to get really good at that. Like, that's the one thing, like you have to get really good at, [00:52:00] um, a couple of tips that I have and be like, don't drink your calories.

[00:52:05] Yup. That'd be one. Avoid sugar at all costs like that doesn't mean that you don't have ice cream now in the end or you don't enjoy it. Um, you know, and find out what inflames your body like I would recommend. And this is something like I partner with opt health, you know, Optum is a company based out of San Francisco.

[00:52:24] It's a group of doctors and tech guys that got together and created an app. And essentially what they do is, um, you know, they. Uh, they do blood panels and they look at your blood, they look at your hormone levels. They look at you. I mean, there's 30 different things, but it's like, what is going to cause your body to be inflamed?

[00:52:42] Uh, what's going on in your body now? Uh, like if there's anything major going on, because let's face it, the older we get that's, you know what happens? Like certain things come up. So, uh, they'll be able to, um, do that. They did that for me. That was something that, you know, I went to them. [00:53:00] I think it was in October.

[00:53:02] Um, so I I've been. Working with them for about seven, six or seven months now. And, you know, they helped me realize, you know, first off my hormone levels were super low. Um, and you know, my body was super inflamed. I mean, imagine that I was doing a MERF every day. So, um, you know, they helped me out with different supplements to take.

[00:53:24] So that was, that'd be something that I would recommend is, you know, get, you could either get with Octa health or other companies that do the same thing. 

[00:53:32] Dave: [00:53:32] Yeah. So when you're feeling better, when your energy is better, when you're not operating out of that inflammation, it changes the way you show up in every area of your life to not just how you're feeling physically, but Oh, you guys talk about losing, losing some of that gut fat too.

[00:53:43] It's like, that could be something invisible that we're not seeing. And that's what the power of coaching or this blood work or all these different things is making the invisible. Visible things that are going on that we don't realize are they're shedding light on them and saying, okay, now we can address this because we know, 

[00:53:56] Graham: [00:53:56] we know it's there.

[00:53:57] Oh man. You know, it made such a, [00:54:00] the energy and, and the way that I felt made such a difference in my relationship with my wife. So I'll give you an example, you know, I'm doing a Murphy every day and like what I, one of the things I didn't think about is like, You know, my energy level, I was like, dang, okay.

[00:54:16] I didn't know it was going to be like this. So, you know, around three o'clock every day, I'm just like tired and you know, I'd take a nap, you know, but then I'm like in bed by eight o'clock, you know, and it's like, I don't, we're all on limited time. And so when I have kids in a business and work and relationship and things outside of all that, you know, because we volunteer and things like that, there's just there's limited time.

[00:54:40] And so. You know, the intimate time with my wife, uh, really took a toll because number one, I didn't have energy. Which is weird because usually a dude is like, let's go, you know, and it's usually quite the opposite. So I didn't have a whole lot of energy and I'm sleeping by eight o'clock most nights. And so, [00:55:00] um, by understanding what was going on in my body, um, and making some changes really helped with my energy levels.

[00:55:07] To where, you know, now I can stay up a little bit later. I have more energy during the day. I'm not taking that midday nap, even though those are really nice and I enjoy it. Uh, I don't have to do that, uh, to function because that's the way I felt. Um, You know, it's made such a difference in my relationship with my wife 

[00:55:28] Dave: [00:55:28] and it's so good.

[00:55:29] It just speaks to the way that these pillars all build off each other. And you've, you've really anchored on this physical pillar, but that's been that seen a lot of carry over into the other areas, but at the same way that your physical performance has improved though, as you've, you know, focused more on leadership and business and how those are.

[00:55:43] So. Intertwined too. And we can't, that's where the myth is like, well, I'm just going to crush it in the physical and her physical and financial. And then like the rest will take care of itself. We have to intentionally be raising all these, all these levels up. 

[00:55:56] Graham: [00:55:56] Yeah. And I think what's interesting is when you start, um, [00:56:00] you know, that question that was asked by Nick, where he was just like, well, what would you do with your time?

[00:56:04] And I'm like, well, I would work out all the time. I played music and I would develop leaders. Well, once I started moving more towards that, it's. Time started to open up because people feel like, you know, when you start to work, you don't have time to work out. Or I don't have time to do the things that I enjoy, like music, or I don't have time to go surfing or I don't have time to, you know, do whatever hobby or the things that I would do.

[00:56:30] Well, once you start figuring out a way to monetize the things that you love, like developing leaders or whatever, or you start to do those things, it actually gives you the energy. And the, and the brain space to look at your calendar and to get creative with how you're spending your time. 

[00:56:48] Dave: [00:56:48] That's such an important skill for, for anyone out there trying to try and improve themselves across any areas, being able to be able to have that.

[00:56:55] And I have, I love all that and I love, uh, I love that you took some [00:57:00] time to, to share on here today. I think there's. There's so many takeaways takeaways from some of that, but as we finish up a couple, couple of parts first off, where can people find you? Where can they connect with you? I know you're active on Instagram, any other places.

[00:57:12] And then what else are you excited about right now? What's uh, what's in the near future. Some things you're some things you're working on either. Physically, either in business. What, uh, what kind of things are you excited about moving forward here in 2021? 

[00:57:24] Graham: [00:57:24] Great question. So, man, there's a lot I'm excited about.

[00:57:26] So first off you can find me on Instagram and Facebook. My, my profiles are public, uh, Graham dessert. Um, People say desert or desert, whatever it's spelled desert, as you asked is I would say two S's will Clair. It will clarify that that'll be in the, I dunno you have show notes or notes. Yeah. Yeah. Check the show notes.

[00:57:46] Um, and then listen, I'm, I'm actually going to start some coaching platforms. One of them is going to be around leadership. Um, you know, For like business executives and things like that, uh, where we'll have like monthly workshops, so people can get involved [00:58:00] in that where, you know, I actually teach the skill of how to solve problems, teach the skill of, um, conflict resolution, teaching the skill of, uh, coaching, you know?

[00:58:11] So there's different skills involved in being a leader. And, uh, those monthly workshops, I'll dive into teaching those skills, uh, because you know, either modify your dreams or increase your skill. So let's not modify dreams, let's increase skill. So that would be one. And then the next one is I have this victory platform of how to get victory in your life.

[00:58:34] Right. And, uh, it's all around, you know, the quality of your thinking and creating solid habits are going to help you win in life. And so, um, those platforms will be up here shortly. 

[00:58:45] Dave: [00:58:45] Yeah. And we'll, uh, give me any of that info. We'll link it up in the, in the show notes for people to define it by management out of you for coming on here for the things you're doing for, I know I've only caught the, uh, No latter half of your journey, but still, still so inspiring of, of seeing, [00:59:00] uh, and we're never finished products, but seeing the, the fruit of all that work that you've put in all the hard work, not just in your physical body, but how your relationships and your business and following these other passions.

[00:59:10] So just want to say, thanks again, Graham. It means a lot to, uh, to share with, share with listeners and, uh, just love to see that the message you're sharing. I know, I know people will, uh, we'll learn a lot and be inspired from itself. Thanks for coming out. My man. 

[00:59:22] Graham: [00:59:22] Oh, you got man. Pleasure is mine. Thank you.

[00:59:24]Dave: [00:59:24] 

[00:59:24] Thanks for listening today, guys, unbelieving that even if you apply one thing from today's show, you're taking one step closer to living as the man you were made to be meaningful change doesn't happen overnight. So keep showing up and keep consistent every single day until good things start to happen.

[00:59:41] If you haven't already taken 60 seconds to write a review on whatever platform you're listening on, goes a long way in growing this podcast and reaching other men, just like you, that are hungry for more in their life. Do you have any questions on today's show feedback or content you want to see more of shoot me a text.

[00:59:58] Yeah, text me [01:00:00] (760) 477-4361 at (760) 477-4361. Let me know that you're listening to it. And so I can personally thank you for your support of myself and the show. That's it for today, guys, it's time to raise your standard for yourself. Stop settling for just getting by, go all in on your passions in the Lightroom made for a lot of you guys and talk to you soon.

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