Men Made for More Podcast

The Myth of Masculinity, Leadership, and Success with Karl Lashkari

April 29, 2021 Episode 147
Men Made for More Podcast
The Myth of Masculinity, Leadership, and Success with Karl Lashkari
Show Notes Transcript

We are wired differently as men. Especially all of us high achievers out there. But when we chase external success at the expense of our internal well being - failure and disappointment are right around the corner whether we realize it or not. Learn what it means to truly be masculine (and what it isn’t), how to find success internally vs externally, how to connect to our emotions, and how to lead from a place of good intentions and love.

Have a guest or topic you want to see on the show? Text Dr. Dave at (760) 477-4361 or DM on Instagram @DrDavePac and let him know, along with your biggest takeaways from today’s podcast.

Connect with Karl on Instagram at @karllashakri or his Facebook page.

Also, be sure to check out his program 4 Steps to Elevating Our Emotional State or send him an email at connect@menofmastery.com


Men Made For More Podcast Episode 147: The Myth of Masculinity, Leadership, and Success with Karl Lashkari

[00:00:00] Dave: [00:00:00] Hey there mighty man. I'm your host, Dr. Dave Paczkowski founder of Men Made for more coaching, our business helps husbands level up their life. Their leadership and their legacy in marriage and in business. The purpose of this podcast is to bring together like-minded men that feel destined for big things in their life to provide you the resources and community that you need to lead yourself, your family and your business.

[00:00:30] If you've ever felt overwhelmed, frustrated, lost, or alone on your journey to a better and more purposeful life, you're in the right spot. You weren't designed to be average. So it's time to quit living that way today. I'm giving you permission to unlock your true potential and step into all that you were made for.

[00:00:48]All right guys, welcome to the Men Made for More podcast, joined with a special guest here. I got, uh, Karl calling in and, uh, just excited for you to be on here. Carlos said a few to share with our listeners, [00:01:00] your experience, your background, and really excited for today's conversation.

[00:01:03] Karl: [00:01:03] So excited to be here, brother.

[00:01:05] Dave: [00:01:05] Yeah, so going to be going to be a good one today coming, coming for you guys.

[00:01:08] Uh, but Carl, if I could pass it back to you, uh, if you don't mind giving listeners sort of the, uh, you know, the cliff notes version of, of your personal professional background, your story, uh, kind of what you're, what you're up to now and, and, uh, what your journey has been leading up to that.

[00:01:22] Karl: [00:01:22] Yeah, absolutely. Um, what, where I'm at now is, is all a result of the journey. So happy to share that. Yeah. So for me, I, I was a regular guy, uh, situated with a finance degree from university of California. Davis worked in the hedge fund world for a few years, uh, back office accounting operations. It's some global operations for an asset manager out in London in that financial services world.

[00:01:50] Um, then took a year off to work, to move a little bit into technology, uh, with internet of things, I was a blogger and worked. At a startup did business [00:02:00] development for a startup for awhile. And that led into a management consulting career for me and focusing on again, technology strategy, building technology implementations, and I was living that consulting life, flying around the country, four planes a week red eyes sleeping, two to three hours a night.

[00:02:23] Working 60, 70 plus hour weeks, and in the hotel past midnight, and then wanting to honor and reward myself, spending the weekends, drinking red bulls five-hour energies. So I could, I would fly out most weekends to Miami and get my advanced scuba diving certification and dive shipwreck. Salsa dancing, bootcamps, you know, partying in Miami, which starts at about 1:00 AM and I didn't live there.

[00:02:49] It was just something I was doing and going around to different cities as well, Boston and Philly and Dallas and everywhere. And living the dream work hard, play [00:03:00] hard life, something that I'd always envisioned, something that I always wanted for myself. Whenever I talk about it, super rewarding on the outside, it was doing what I want it to do.

[00:03:10] It didn't feel great though. It didn't feel great because it was pushing, it was overcoming. It was mind over matter. And at that time I had a different definition of masculinity than I have now. And at that time it was, I am. Impenetrable I'm breakable. Um, throw more at me. I'll say it was mixed. It was a mix between a masculine and a very approval-seeking mentality of, you know, I won't say no to anything.

[00:03:39] I'll take on, whatever's thrown my way and I'll figure out a way to get it done. And it was a path to positive, you know, corporate results. But. A lot of suppression of self, a lot of suppression of my own time, my own energy, my own happiness, and just, there was really no time for any of that. There was [00:04:00] no, and I didn't have the capacity to feel into that.

[00:04:02] So living that life, I did that for a couple of years and then a wound up falling sick. And I got plenty of warning shots, which I thought were flus, but then later found was something else where I would wake up with really sore throat. Um, dizziness in the head, like so much dizziness can't even stand straight, see straight body aches, neck down, very painful and fatigue.

[00:04:27] We're literally not able to move and. Happened for about a week and a half to two, and then I'd snap back to normal. And, you know, because I was traveling all around, I didn't even have a set doctor. I was going to, so it was just like, no time for this. I got, I got milestones. And that led to the fifth time I flared up, um, it stuck and that was in August of 2018.

[00:04:54] And there began my journey of not being able to work, not being able to socialize, not being able to date [00:05:00] any of it. And finding my way back at first, I was, I was bedbound for about seven to eight months. Um, just left the house for doctor's appointments with my cane. There was a short period of time. I even had to crawl to use the bathroom.

[00:05:16] I couldn't even walk to, to do that. And I knew that I just had to surrender and I had faith that there was a path. Just having to find it. And it's funny, very early on, I knew that this journey was going to be like, I have a lot of, um, confidence in my ability to make transformations. I'd lost 75 pounds.

[00:05:37] When I was younger, there was several things, but this was different. Because those were always through pushing through and being tougher. This had to be through surrender and very early, I realized that there's, there's no timeline I can put on this. There's no plan. It's just going to be a journey of curiosity.

[00:05:56] And that journey of curiosity, you know, [00:06:00] started off with meditation, obviously, diet. Getting the gut, right? Um, breathwork was really, really instrumental in my journey. It was when I first started being able to walk and reduce my pain was through, through breath work, um, uh, tapping into the heart coherence work and elevating emotional States and seeing direct relationship between.

[00:06:25] My symptoms and negative thoughts, positive thoughts, negative ways of being positive, ways of being it's it's it's crazy. And then I got, um, pulled into the world of men's work. I. One of the first things I did when I started feeling better enough to leave the house. Like once a week, I went to an improv for personal development class in, um, in North County and Encinitas, California.

[00:06:49] And I met a few brothers there who were starting the world of men's work. And they told me that they were building, they were starting something together for them. And they invited me to [00:07:00] join and ended up doing weekly. Emotional expression work, feeling into releasing the, that are stuck in suppressed.

[00:07:11] The shadows that I had not been willing to look at the parts of myself that had not been willing to look at. And that turned into something beautiful of having about a year and a half of seeing these brothers every week and having them support me and sharpen me on my journey. And then we built out a community in San Diego where we brought this to.

[00:07:28] Several others where we had about 30 to 40 men show up once a month. And we had workshops around that. So, um, men's work has been instrumental as well as all the other modalities that I described.

[00:07:41] Dave: [00:07:41] so much to unpack there. I appreciate sharing all that crowd. Cause that's, uh, you know, I know a lot of listeners can relate to that of, yeah. You know, whether it's chronic illness or whatever it is, there's, there's these warning signs that'll come up of that. We're pushing too hard. And, uh, as, as men, we're definitely, you know, especially in business for ourself in the corporate world, it's like push, push, push, how much more can I, [00:08:00] you know, will my way to the top, but that's, that has a, that has a shelf life on it.

[00:08:03] And as we figure out sometimes that, you know, if we can catch that and bring awareness, which, uh, main goal this podcast today, like bring awareness to people. If they're in those warning signs, like. It's a lot easier to address at that time than it is waiting for the full blown, like crawling to the, kind of the bathroom type, uh, uh, you know, type, uh, pain type of limitation, type of dysfunction that, that, uh, you know, eventually got, got placed on you.

[00:08:27] And you're gonna, you know, the, the problem is that it's like, well, I don't want to sacrifice my productivity short term. I don't want to sacrifice my success, but then you end up. Instead of taking a small step back, you end up crashing so hard that you can't work for weeks, months, years, maybe. And, uh, it's, it's playing, it's playing that, that long-term game.

[00:08:48] So, uh, you know, what if, uh, I guess, uh, on, on that side of things, what are some of those, uh, long-term games people should start to be aware of if people find themselves in that kind of warning stage right now, if they're like, Hey yeah, no, I'm [00:09:00] like, my body doesn't quite feel right. I'm starting to have these, you know, what might not.

[00:09:04] Be chronic illness yet, but these, uh, getting sick more often, these, you know, these things that people very well could be dealing with listening, like, what are you, what are some advice or strategies you have for people at that stage? Still in the warning, the warning phases that, uh, they can implement or things that they can strategies they can use to help avoid the full-blown, uh, crash.

[00:09:25] Karl: [00:09:25] Yeah, absolutely. Um, I mean the first, the first warning thing I would say is prioritizing yourself. You know, we have so many conditionings that have told us that our health, our diet, our happiness comes after X, Y, and Z. And yeah. You know, different people are in different parts of life. And definitely don't want to, you know, take away the seriousness from financial concerns that people have and all of it.

[00:09:53] But sometimes it can be easy to think we need more than what we actually have or what we're bringing [00:10:00] in. And, you know, When we take into account the baseline of getting our needs met financially roof on our head food on the table, after that gets met, I think the most important thing is to, is to focus on our being focus on, you know, say people are like you said, starting to feel getting sick very often.

[00:10:20] That was a hallmark for me. I was getting colds often before this happened, you know, looking into. How important is my health, how important is my happiness? How important this isn't just about longevity, right? Performance, um, ability to magnetize other people into our lives. It all comes from being an healthy individual.

[00:10:38] So looking at diet is the most important thing. I would say this, looking at what we consume food wise thought wise and emotionally, those three areas of consumption is really important. And once we get our basic external needs met, [00:11:00] we look at our internal needs because I think we live in a world where people, people operate outside in, we rely on the outside world to shape our inner state.

[00:11:11] You know, that's why we do, that's why we are so motivated so we can, you know, get the car, get the house, get the savings security for many men attract the woman of our dreams, whatever it is. We have a very outside-in approach, but what I have found to be really powerful is the inside out approach. And once my basic outside needs are met, the rest of it's icing on the cake.

[00:11:35] And when I can really focus on again, the way I consume thoughts, the way I consume my emotions and the way I consume food really, really, really has a impact on what I attracted my life. And that that's, that's the word of advice I would give is. See where you can go in and make the adjustments in your inner world and allow the outer world [00:12:00] to adjust accordingly.

[00:12:01] Dave: [00:12:01] that sounds good. So good. Yeah. And it sounds like, you know, if I, if I had to summarize that I get, get the basic needs met. If you're, if you're so stressed, if you don't even have enough money to, to pay the bills or something like there's a time to work hard and there's a time to, you know, make sure you're providing for basic needs, but it sounds like that's a much lower, uh, You're lower threshold than, than most people would probably think.

[00:12:21] Like most people are at least listening to this are probably meeting basic needs, but it sounds like there's this, you know, striving for more of like, I need to hit, I need to make this much more money and build my savings of this and get the house like, and then I can rest. Then I can take care of myself versus meet the basic needs.

[00:12:37] Then like prioritize yourself, prioritize those, those inner feelings, emotions, thoughts, potentially what you're consuming and, uh, You know, w what's your thoughts? So on, on like when to, for the people that are, career-driven like, when does that shift happen of, okay, I'm working on myself. Like when can I start pushing again?

[00:12:54] Like when can I start chasing financial success or career success?

[00:12:59] Karl: [00:12:59] Yeah, I'm glad you [00:13:00] asked that because after I heard you repeat it to me and yes, that that's a great summary. I know that it can easily come across as a paradox of, you know, does that mean I just give up on my goals and that that's not what I'm saying at all. It's, it's a different approach, right? There's always, the cool thing is when we have results that we want to have in life, there's always a lot of different number of pathways that can get us there.

[00:13:24] And. This pathway is the easy way. It's the way we naturally default to, to focus on the outside, to fight and scratch and claw to get it done. But what I'm speaking to is like we said, focus on the external to get the basic needs. That means net then focus on the internal to work on your health, work on your happiness.

[00:13:45] But as you're working on that, keeping an eye on those goals, keeping an eye on, okay, what parts of this job? This role? Actually make me feel good. And what parts make me feel dull and check out and reduce my performance. [00:14:00] And then all of a sudden you realize when you're focusing on your inner state, you're really able to see what in your outer world is aligned to that interstate and absolutely take action to, to continue to bring things in your life into alignment.

[00:14:15] And, you know, I think the mistake we make is we have goals. And we set our goals in stone and we set the path to get to those goals in stone. What I'm suggesting is to set our goals in stone, but leave enough room for ourselves to surrender and be surprised as to how we get it. And what I've found is you don't have to give up on the financial goals.

[00:14:39] You don't have to give up on, you know, whatever you desire in terms of lifestyle. It will come when you're living and operating in alignment. We're not talking about laziness. We're not talking about checking out. We're just talking about prioritizing self and taking fewer actions with less [00:15:00] exertion

[00:15:05] Dave: [00:15:05] Yeah, that's so good. I'm glad. I'm glad you cleared that up too. Cause I know that's the thought going through a lot of people's head with it because you get people that are actually high achievers and wired that way, but it's not about saying. No just like surrender, like not surrender your goals, not surrender the necessarily even the outcome, but like that process, that journey can, can look different and be surprised because it will probably look even better than you could have drawn it up yourself.

[00:15:28] We think we have this, you know, we think we're so sure on how we're going to get there and like that the best, you know, the, the journey, the surprises, those things are what make a. Make life really fun. And I love what you're saying. It was just talking to some guys on our coaching call earlier about, you know, the 80, 20 principle and how to like, how to identify that and define that.

[00:15:46] If it's not, it's not that we need to put in 10 X more effort to get 10 X more results. It's it can be disproportional, a little bit of effort, prioritized effort, the right effort focused on the right things can create a big change without burning us out without [00:16:00] killing us in the, in the process. So I just, uh, I just love that.

[00:16:04] Why, why is it so hard for. You know, for guys, for men to, uh, to give into this, you know, surrender, to pull back a little bit, even temporarily to, to work on themselves to say, Hey, I'm like, I know I'm pushing it too hard. I know I'm redlining, but, uh, you know, w what do you see as the biggest things keeping guys from saying like, yes, I, I understand this, I hear this, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna invest in working more on myself.

[00:16:28]  Karl: [00:16:29] I think it's twofold.  on one hand, we are, we are still as men, very addicted to our perception of ourselves as men being successful, being powerful, being, protecting, and able to provide security and. You know, compete with other men and show her my and all of it. That's the old paradigm that's still stuck with us.

[00:16:53] But the newer paradigm that is coming is I believe a lot of men are actually disconnected with their own [00:17:00] power and their own intrinsic motivations and their own truth and their own beliefs. So it's easy to now get into this world of group think which our culture is celebrating a lot of right now. And that is wow.

[00:17:14] If I. Get promoted and I, you know, am CXO or whatever it is, people are gonna respect me. People are gonna love me. People are gonna look at me. It's so externally focused, but what does one have to do in this current climate to get that director a CXO role? Many times it's just following someone else's orders.

[00:17:35] It's just being a good soldier. So on one hand, We have this vision of ourselves showing our might, but on the other hand to complish that power and quote unquote leadership, it's actually just by seeking approval and being a yes, man. And I think that's the, that's the unconsciousness and that's the pitfall we've been falling into is, you know, um, I'm all for a strong power [00:18:00] powerful leader who leads from their heart leads from their, you know, belief, systems and truth.

[00:18:05] But how much? I just know so many people in the world that was in who exercise their might and boss people around and really, you know, lead with an iron fist, really just to follow a group thing or a company message or something that was not theirs.

[00:18:21] Dave: [00:18:21] That outside that outside in approach, or just seeking the title and not even realizing what it, what it takes or what you're sacrificing on the way to, on the way to get to that. And I heard you mentioned earlier too, that one of the big pitfalls for you was approval of others. And is that a, is that what you're talking about of being so focused on approving others and what are the consequences that has when you're living for just seeking the approval of others?

[00:18:47] What are the consequences that has on your inner, inner being as a, as a man.

[00:18:51] Karl: [00:18:51] Yeah. Yeah. So what I mean by approving of others is it could even be something as simple as [00:19:00] I'm going to have a really well paying job with a lot of people who work under me, and then I'm going to go to Vegas and be at the club and I'm going to attract such. And so, and I'm going to make business contacts and, you know, you live for that feeling at the end of the day, it's living for a perception that others have of you and.

[00:19:19] You know, when I talk about living from your inner state, living from your inner truth, I'm talking about truly being connected with yourself in a way that we're not taught in school to be connected with ourselves and live based on what we believe is right. Moment to moment, hour to hour, day to day, week to week, and allow what that forms into to be what it is based on us living our truth.

[00:19:47] Not controlling the outcome, but, but being more in charge of the process and when we are able to truly moment to moment speak, think and act [00:20:00] based on what aligns with us, that's where the magnetism happens. That's where people see, okay, this is a person who the end of the day. I really think that a lot of people just want to be around people who are themselves.

[00:20:14] It's not that hard. And, um, Yeah. When we start leaving, leading from this interstate people follow people, listen. And, um, it's, it's inspiring by being the person you are and don't, we all want that. I think a lot of people want that, but achieving that is so difficult because we weren't, we weren't trained to, to operate that way.

[00:20:40] Dave: [00:20:40] Yeah. And that's a, you know, personally, that's something that, you know, there was, there was a lot of transition years there too from moving from school to starting a business of always feeling like there was this appearance of how I had to be that resulted in having a, you know, A mascot and that made me never, you know, fully able to like open up or be comfortable or do those [00:21:00] things with, with who I really am and what it sounds like you're saying, what I'm hearing is that like all the things guys are looking for and people in general are looking for, uh, you know, love approval, like.

[00:21:10] Recognition, those things too are accessible by simply being ourselves and living like really true and authentic to ourselves. So those we're chasing success for something that is accessible probably much easier. And I won't say easier, but, uh, I guess, I guess simpler of simply if you can just, you know, authentically be yourself, you'll get those things that you're so desperately looking for in the external world.

[00:21:34] Karl: [00:21:34] Yeah. Yeah, definitely agree with that summary. And just want to put the caveat out there because I'm sure many of the men here have heard the, be yourself, slammed their head against the wall. By hearing that I think I know I once did, is that takes a lot of work. We're not just talking about like show up in this way or that way.

[00:21:53] We're talking about learning things about yourself that you didn't know. By doing work, we've picked up so [00:22:00] much conditioning over our years and really unraveling. What is me? What is someone else? And asking those questions with every action we take. So it's, that is the end. That is the result that I believe brings happiness, connection, community wealth, success, performance, everything, and reaching that takes a deep, deep commitment.

[00:22:23] Dave: [00:22:23] That's what, I'm glad I correct myself with saying it's not easy, but it's, it's a, it's a simpler approach, but I, I know how, how challenging it is because it's not a matter of just like, I'll be more happy, go lucky, like just be yourself, like forget all those things. Society told you in this and next it's so deeply ingrained.

[00:22:38] It's so subconscious and there's so many other, other things that go into it. And what are some, I guess, uh, Maybe just some basic principles for someone listening to this is resonating with of how do we unlearn or relearn, uh, how to, how to go about that? Like where would you, I guess from a basic level, like where would you start someone on, on?

[00:22:57] Who's like, Hey, I'm interested in this. I just like, [00:23:00] I don't even know where to, where to begin.

[00:23:02] Karl: [00:23:02] Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, I have a, as part of the elevate program that I lead there, I have a step-by-step step process, but to answer your question and just to. A high level way, getting out of the mindset that we have right now that we need to learn things and think things through and problem solve and getting into the mindset of just practicing things.

[00:23:27] So what I'm speaking to is less of the mind and more of the body, less of intellectual knowledge, acquisition, and more of nervous system training. Um, you know, everything I teach is about giving enough knowledge to understand what you're doing, especially because men are very analytical beings, but then training the nervous system and the emotional center through practice and repetition through taking higher level consciousness over our actions and knowing, okay.

[00:23:56] What am I doing? That's in alignment. What am I doing? That's out of alignment. What am I [00:24:00] doing that heeds the results that I always want and what am I doing that continuously runs me in cycles that don't serve me and having that higher level view, and then training ourselves to do things differently, waking up in the morning and brushing with your other.

[00:24:15] Your non-dominant hand could start just doing things differently. And then once we're able to do that training our nervous systems to not be. The parts of ourselves that don't serve us and to be the parts of ourselves that do serve us. And some of those parts of ourselves we've never looked at or given light to or embraced before.

[00:24:36] So, um, essentially the four step process that I have around this is releasing stuck, suppressed emotions from the body that have been there for not fully and authentically expressing ourselves over the years and decades of our lives. That's number one. The second step is thinking beyond our perceived [00:25:00] beliefs, questioning what we believe to be true and thinking about what the possibilities are that maybe we believed were impossible and putting those as realistic possibilities in our mind. Non-identifying non-judging and just being someone who can walk through open doors of limitless possibility, the third is getting our. Natural body rhythms back in alignment, our sleep patterns, our brainwave States, our nervous system, our amygdala, our emotional center, getting those back to how they were designed to be as human beings rather than how they have been distorted due to life. And then the fourth is elevating emotional States at the end of the day. Why do we do anything that we do sports extreme sports. Our sexual relationships, our intimate relationships, our careers, we do it to fire [00:26:00] off the field, good chemicals in our body. That's what we are. We are chasing and learning how to fire out those chemicals through inner work and inner practice.

[00:26:09] So they can then attract what we want instead of us going and chasing them. So that's essentially the process that I look for in elevating our emotional States internally. So we can show up as a higher. Version of ourselves that calls in the lives that we desire.

[00:26:26] Dave: [00:26:26] Mm, as good. Yeah. And, uh, I know, I know so many guys, my speaking for myself of it's, you know, very intellectual driven and, and strategy and, uh, analytical and those things too. And, uh, it sounds like the emotion should be the starting point versus trying to acquire more head knowledge, acquire more stuff.

[00:26:46] Would you say we have probably. Probably all the resources or the knowledge we need necessarily to, to move forward. But it's a matter to getting more aligned with your emotions. Is that, is that what you're getting at?

[00:26:56]Karl: [00:26:56] Yes. So I believe ultimately [00:27:00] the practices themselves, the practice themselves, the repetition is enough to make the transformation in itself. However, because we have these big. Prefrontal cortex is, and we are analytical human beings. There's a certain level of surrender and acceptance that we won't allow until we know the knowledge.

[00:27:20] So I do believe that knowledge combined with practice and every step of the way is the way to go for us. Especially as men, a lot of our feminine counterparts and even feminine men, so to speak. We'll be fine with the practice itself, with the repetition, with the experience. But I think us as men just need to know, I know I'm one of them and, uh, so combining enough knowledge to know where to allow ourselves to surrender to the practice and the reputation,

[00:27:54] Dave: [00:27:54] What is, what is enough knowledge? Cause that's a, you know, I know that's it as someone who's, as someone who's processing [00:28:00] this, as we speak, as you can tell, uh, the intellectual side of it, like, what is enough? What is enough knowledge mean? Like, cause, cause people are gonna, you know, that for someone listening, if there are anything like me is wondering that like, okay, well what's, what's enough.

[00:28:13] Like I'm, I'm on board with that. But my, my intellectual brain has to ask like, what's enough knowledge, mean.

[00:28:19] Karl: [00:28:19] that differs from person to person. I believe. Um, if you have an engineer mindset, it's going to be more knowledge. If you're an artist or a musician. It's going to be less knowledge, it's going to be feeling into it more, you know, I'm making some generalizations there of course, but, uh, depending on how we're con composed individually, um, in terms of our masculine and feminine composition, but it's funny, I'm planning a trip with the brother, uh, in, for next week.

[00:28:46] And he reached out to me and I gave him a resounding yes, right away. And he was like, He was really feeling into all the logistics and feeling into how's it going to work? How much does it cost? And he made a comment to me saying you're very [00:29:00] sacred, you know, you're, you're a yes. And you're a yes.

[00:29:02] Dave: [00:29:02] That's good.

[00:29:03] Karl: [00:29:03] I was like, yeah, that's how I operate, but I know some people need convincing.

[00:29:07] So, um, I think we're different levels of people. It's different levels of knowledge.

[00:29:12] Dave: [00:29:12] that's good. Yeah, that's a good clarification. I think it's, you know, the, where I, where I've tend to reflected, uh, myself and, uh, I'm coaching. Other guys that are similar to, to me that are less the ticket action or more of the, like, I want the details and the logistics. I want to have it all figured out.

[00:29:29] It is know, it is finding that enough knowledge of giving the details that are needed, but also being aware that at some point have to draw a line in the sand and say like, Hey, we, like, we don't need more knowledge because it is even if I need more details, that's not okay. I can't just keep being more details and more details at the expense of, of taking action.

[00:29:48] When, when it's something that, again, as you say, is in line with who we are as a person with, with what our purposes are, that those things are at some point, it's a matter of like, Hey, this, this aligns enough. Like I don't have all the [00:30:00] details figured out, but I know enough to be able to, uh, to move forward with it.

[00:30:04] Karl: [00:30:04] Yeah, that's a great point there, because that can be an addiction in itself is needing to know, but not necessarily taking that knowledge and implementing an intensely actionable

[00:30:14] Dave: [00:30:14] Yeah, cause planning and strategizing can be a, you know, it can be a former procrastination for me of it's like, what if you keep trying to acquire more data and acquire more knowledge at some point it's like, like you said, that I hit a chord with me. It's like, I have enough data to at least try taking action and then reevaluating, like, I'll get more.

[00:30:29] I'll get more, uh, Valuable data on the other side of, of taking action going on that trip, uh, reaching out to that person, you know, moving forward with that business opportunity, like, you'll learn more from doing it than from just like trying to find it in a book or asking other people are doing those things like experiences, really great knowledge.

[00:30:47] Karl: [00:30:47] Yep, absolutely.

[00:30:49] Dave: [00:30:49] I want to dive

[00:30:49] Karl: [00:30:49] what we memorized.

[00:30:51] Dave: [00:30:51] Yeah, that's really memorized. Right. I want to dive more into, uh, I know you mentioned, uh, you said the word feminine masculinity, and I think there's blends and nice of a, I wanted to hear [00:31:00] your, you know, I know you talk about what. Masculinity means today. I want to hear your, uh, you know, your well, you surround what masculinity means and what is feminine masculinity and what is masculinity really means?

[00:31:11] I know, uh, I mean the podcast men made for more is our podcast or our coaching business, but I think it's important to, to know what masculinity really is. And, and more importantly, what it's, what it's not, because society will tell us one thing, but I'm, uh, I'm very curious to hear your, uh, your thoughts on this subject.

[00:31:30] Karl: [00:31:30] Yeah, brother, uh, still, still figuring it out as, as we all are as men. I want to open up with that. Um, I lead, uh, a men's community. I had one in San Diego currently leading one out in Tulum, Mexico. We have 30 to 40 men get together each week and talk about these sorts of issues. And this is, this particular thing has been a hot topic the last few weeks.

[00:31:51] Um, Masculinity as defined by our society [00:32:00] has a negative connotation to it on the most part right now it has. And some of it is earned. Some of it has been earned and some of it has not. And, um, I believe that let's say the, the old definitions of masculinity, the desk, the masculinity need that's in the spotlight, in our news networks and all of that.

[00:32:22] Is more of a low vibration masculinity and that's forest power, greediness competition, starting Wars, greediness, having impact list businesses, just for the sake of making more money, um, you know, domineering, uh, you know, not having equal rights and fighting for your own. And I think that's the low vibration masculinity that is not masculinity in itself.

[00:32:50] And that's, what's been given the definition in a lot of our areas, society. What I believe masculine in a healthy, true sense [00:33:00] is, and can be, is first being awareness. Awareness is everything with the masculine self being decisive, directional leadership, you know, logical problem solving as well. And structure.

[00:33:21] And when coming from the heart, when coming from a place of making oneself and the people around him better and protecting them and guiding them, I think masculinity is actually a very missing essence in our society right now. Healthy masculinity is something we need more, we need more masculine in our world.

[00:33:44] We need more feminine in many ways as well. We need more, we need more healthy versions of masculine and feminine. Um, yeah. What is being vilified is the low vibration version. And that should be, I shouldn't say it should be vilified, but it should be looked at and transmit [00:34:00] it to something healthier.

[00:34:02] Dave: [00:34:02] Yeah. And I, I know there's, uh, you know, some, some people here in it that, you know, might be at that, that low vibration, and it's almost like, you know, whether it's through society or upbringing or. You know, around the wrong people or whatever, like people almost become men almost become kind of numb to what they're doing and they don't, they're not connected to their own emotions and not connected to the emotions of others.

[00:34:22] Like you said, they're just trying to, you know, push for a bigger business just because they're push it, you know, step, step over someone just because when. We need more like strong leaders. I love what you said leading from, from the heart. And, you know, servant leadership gets, gets thrown around a lot.

[00:34:37] Maybe it's maybe it's gotten watered down a little bit, but that's like, that's, you know, that's at its core. Like we need men that have strong values, have strong connection to themselves, can lead others. And I know a lot of people listening are in business for themselves, but a lot of people like you're a leader, you're a leader leader position is just a position of influence.

[00:34:55] And if you have influence over your. Your family, your friends, your community, uh, [00:35:00] you know, uh, in your, in your church or spiritual practice, like you're, you're a leader. And that requires, uh, requires, uh, um, you know, th there is a little more pressure and responsibility around doing that in a way that's, uh, building.

[00:35:13] You know, building others up. And I think that's, you know, I just love what you say when you, when you talk about leading from the heart is, is sounds like a pretty, a pretty good, good place to start. Uh, do you have any other recommendations for, you know, for leaders, maybe new leaders that are, you know, stepping into, um, either in business or in a, in their community, like stepping into more of a leadership role?

[00:35:31] Like how do they, how do they go about, uh, you know, making sure they're, they're leading with the, with the right intentions.

[00:35:39] Karl: [00:35:39] Yeah. Yeah. I think the first thing before, before that is just not being afraid of being connected to your power, new masculinity, as long as it's coming from the right place. And we'll talk about that. Um, So many of the women that I've spoken to, you know, we've, we've heard so many things in our ears and on the news and from [00:36:00] people about how we need to be less masculine and now I'm turning around and I'm having all these conversations about how, you know, a lot of our women, but even our people who follow us in our, in our corporate jobs and organ or organizations and whatever it is.

[00:36:14] Uh, craving more security, more safety, more leadership, more direction, more truth. And I think we're in a space right now where, because masculinity has been vilified, a lot of men are unwilling to own their masculinity. And therefore we're dropping into untrustable traits of being with the flow so much so that we don't let people know where they stand, um, being so flexible and easygoing that. We are passive aggressive with our truth. And on one hand we want something, but we don't speak it. So then we act out differently and you know, when we don't own our masculinity, there is a side effect and it's a big one. And a lot of our, the people in our [00:37:00] businesses and our, our women in our relationships and whoever the feminine is, whether it's a man or a woman relationship, they're suffering from the lack of leadership.

[00:37:08] So I say the first thing is to own it. Own your power own your desires. If you want it express, it doesn't mean you're going to get it. It doesn't, you know, obviously there's boundaries and morality and all that, but you know, there's nothing wrong with having desires needs, um, taking strong action, following your belief system, regardless of what others think and how do we keep that healthy?

[00:37:32] We got to check ourselves. We got to check ourselves. Where is this coming from? Is this for the better, you know, are we confident enough to know that we don't have to scrap and claw and lie and manipulate to get the lifestyle we want? Are we confident that we can actually get the lifestyle we want and elevate those around us, then lead powerfully then lead actionably.

[00:37:53] But if you can tell that maybe we don't trust ourselves, that we believe in abundance, that we believe that we can have what we want. [00:38:00] And we're going to take shortcuts and maybe, maybe manipulation, tactics and strategies. Then maybe it's time to look inward and find where that's coming from. Once we can have a healthy and loving heart and open heart, that's the time I suggest men step into your power.

[00:38:16] When you can trust your heart.

[00:38:19] Dave: [00:38:19] As so good. Yeah. So good. And I, I agree. I think we definitely need more, uh, true masculinity out there. And, uh, unfortunately the things that get, uh, I, I think that, you know, where some of those comments STEM from of like trying to water that down and society is like, we, we look at the wrong things as masculinity.

[00:38:36] It's like, Oh, that, you know, that, that abusive relationship that, you know, people guys using for guys, you know, using, using power in, in. Poor ways and that's not masculinity. That's I think we're both agonists the opposite of masculinity. That's operating out of fear and insecurity and, uh, you know, the, the wrong reasons for wanting to do it.

[00:38:54] So it's, it's we need, you know, true, true men, men with, with good hearts, with good [00:39:00] values to, to step up and lead. And I agree cause people or people are craving that. And I, and I know for, you know, the, the only other yeah, the point I wanted to make. So I, I totally agree with everything you say about, you know, stepping into that, if you can check your intentions, but, uh, no, that you're not like.

[00:39:13] None of us are perfect either. Like that's, that's a big, uh, a big caveat that, uh, to add to it is there, there were times for awhile when, uh, you know, in starting business and it was almost like I had too high of a standard, like needed to be perfect to, to fully step into it. And I was like, well, what if they're like, almost like searching for guilt?

[00:39:30] Like, well, why should I be guilty? Like, Why do I want this? Maybe, maybe there's something not right when it's like, I'm a, you know, and I heard this from ed, my lad, who I respect. Lion's like, I'm a, I'm a pretty good man. And I'm like, um, you have to know that, like, if your intentions are good, they don't have to be perfect.

[00:39:44] Like, we're all, we're all gonna fall short of. Uh, you know, we can't set an impossible standard, but just know that like, if you're doing it for the right reasons, like then yeah, step, step into that, but know that it's not going to be perfect. You're going to mess up. You're going to, you're gonna fail.

[00:39:57] You're gonna goof up at times. And that's where a lot of the learning comes [00:40:00] in.

[00:40:00] Karl: [00:40:00] absolutely. Yeah. I'm, I'm glad you threw that in there. There's there's no perfectionism, as long as the intentions are. Right. And we know that when we make mistakes, which we will we'll own them and clean them up. And be better next time then there's no way you really can do wrong as long as you truly are committed to doing better next time.

[00:40:21] Dave: [00:40:21] Yeah, so good crowd, man. I've I've, uh, I've loved this conversation so far as we start to wrap up here, I got, uh, you know, one more major question one I want to ask because you've, uh, you've come such a long way and it's, it's so inspiring to hear in your story and how you've, you know, Uh, uh, grown through this, you know, chronic illness and, and more so like this physical ailment was used to unlock you emotionally and mentally and spiritually.

[00:40:43] And that's, you know, that's the cool thing about when we look at journeys, it's like this thing that could have been seen as a disaster, this is physical illnesses. Why did this happen? To me, ended up being such a catalyst for the people you're you're impacting now. So I just want to honor you for that. I think that's so cool to.

[00:40:58] To see your surrender and [00:41:00] openness to that journey. And I, I know people listening will hear the same thing I'm hearing of you. You have such a, you know, a calm and a peace and can tell your, you know, can tell how much you've, you've worked on, on yourself, but, you know, being, being open with people and when we talk, not being, you know, none of us are perfect.

[00:41:15] None of us are, uh, you know, we all, we all have our flaws. Like, what's, what's a challenge you're still working through or what are some of those things? I think, you know, where, where I would listen to, you know, people speaking on similar things initially there was that, uh, It would almost like, uh, you know, I would hear that I'd be like, man, they just, they have it figured out, like, they've, they've got it together.

[00:41:33] They've just unlocked the secret to life. And they're just so peaceful and this and that. But, uh, I think, I think we'd agree. That's not the case. Like what are, what are some things you're still working on? Some things where, you know, you're still improving as a, you know, to be open and, and encouraging to, uh, to anyone listening that might feel that way.

[00:41:50] Karl: [00:41:50] Yeah. Yeah. So what's been very present for me in just the last week is how [00:42:00] to, how to interface with myself and feel into myself and show up. When the emotions feel like they're getting out of control because I have always been someone who's actually been pretty. I don't want to say always peace of mind, but I at least showed it on the outside.

[00:42:16] Now it's truly authentic inside and outside. But for me, those emotions, that anger, that frustration, you know, at one point as a meditator, I had this goal to not experience those things. And to me, that's very unrealistic in the world that we live in, unless we're going to go into refuge and be in the mountains, um, and accepting all of my humanity when a trauma of mine is triggered and I'm in a, a place of fear and frustration, having so much love and empathy and understanding for that trigger and not making it wrong.

[00:42:58] When I step up and I go out of [00:43:00] alignment in something, I'll say, I'm going to do not having this guilt that lasts for days and weeks and months over it, but really acknowledging my humanity and trusting that as long as I'm willing and committed to looking at everything that comes up, whether it's an argument where maybe I took it a little bit too far, or a time in the opposite way where I held back and I didn't speak my truth.

[00:43:27] To understand that, you know, what, that's, how I showed up. And all it is is a lesson. Every one of these, every one of these downfalls, these pits, whatever this illness that happened to me, all it is, is an opportunity to take a bigger step upwards into consciousness, awareness, and intentional action. And knowing that, you know, again, outside of major Moreira morality items, That we can really do no wrong relative to how we tend to look at ourselves for doing things very wrong.

[00:44:00] [00:43:59] Self-acceptance and then being better and moving forward.

[00:44:05] Dave: [00:44:05] Hmm. I appreciation that. Yeah. That's, uh, that's awesome to hear. And I, I know, uh, you know, sometimes it's hard to have that, that grace for ourselves, like we're, so we can be so quick to forgive others for little things, but then we do the smallest thing and we can beat ourselves up for it over the course of, uh, uh, it can ruin a day.

[00:44:21] It can ruin a week. Like if we're not careful that can, you know, it's, it's, it's having that awareness, but also not letting it. Impact the next relationship, the next moment, the next thing that when you're hanging on to that, that guilt and I I'm, I'm glad you glad you shared that.

[00:44:35] Karl: [00:44:35] I'd like to add one thing to that. And that's really more specifically, that's feeling that emotion as it arises while minimizing the amount of thought we put to that emotion. It's at four feeling frustrated or we're feeling guilty about something, feel it, feel it, feel it, feel it for four hours.

[00:44:52] And when we allow ourselves to truly immerse ourselves in that emotional experience and not run away from it is when it becomes an experience of [00:45:00] two hours or three hours instead of two or three days a week. Um, so allowing yourself to be in that mess and in that chaos, without creating too many stories as to what it means.

[00:45:10] Dave: [00:45:10] Right. Cause it's probably, it's easy to, you know, stuff, stuff, the feelings aside, but then it stays in the thought, which is, sounds like it's not really a, you know, we're not really making any progress the next time it happens, then we're just spinning, spinning, uh, stories around in our head without ever having to actually confront it emotionally. Yeah, so good. Karl I've I've loved this talk. Um, you know, where, where can people find you? I appreciate you coming on and sharing your knowledge. I know you have a upcoming course coming up as well. Uh, where can people find you? Where can they find more information on that?

[00:45:43] Karl: [00:45:43] Yeah, absolutely. Um, so to learn more about me, you can follow my Instagram or Facebook. Carl Lashkari, uh, can spell it out in the show notes. Um, and. Then, uh, for my program, the [00:46:00] program, which I mentioned four steps to elevating our emotional state, feel free to check out par lashkar.com/elevate, or you can find information about it on my Instagram page as well.

[00:46:10] Um, yeah. Uh, if you have any questions, feel free to send an email to me as well@connectatmenofmastery.com.

[00:46:24] Dave: [00:46:24] Awesome. We'll link all those things up in the show notes. If you guys want to get ahold of Karl Carl, man. Thanks for that. Thanks for the time I had a blast learning from you and I know listeners will, uh, connect with you the same way because, uh, man, just your, your knowledge, your experience. I appreciate you coming on and sharing that with us.

[00:46:41] Karl: [00:46:41] Thank you brother. It's been a blast.

[00:46:42]Dave: [00:46:42] Thanks for listening today, guys, unbelieving that even if you apply one thing from today's show, you're taking one step closer to living as the man you were made to be meaningful change doesn't happen overnight. So keep showing up and keep consistent every single day until good things start to happen.

[00:46:59] If you haven't [00:47:00] already taken 60 seconds to write a review on whatever platform you're listening on, goes a long way in growing this podcast and reaching other men, just like you, that are hungry for more in their life. Do you have any questions on today's show feedback or content you want to see more of shoot me a text.

[00:47:16] Yeah, text me (760) 477-4361 at (760) 477-4361. Let me know that you're listening to it. And so I can personally thank you for your support of myself and the show. That's it for today, guys, it's time to raise your standard for yourself. Stop settling for just getting by, go all in on your passions in the Lightroom made for a lot of you guys and talk to you soon.